You’d think this article was written because of the current world situation. That everyone was now, suddenly lonelier than they have always been. Think back to the last time you were in a group of people, and couldn’t help but feel disconnected. Or that time you watched a Netflix show just so you wouldn’t feel alone when it came up in conversation. Maybe all your friends went to sleep and you spent the night listening to sad songs, feeling alone. Loneliness has been around for far longer than this pandemic can hope to be.
We as humans are wired to seek community. Not all of us are blessed with people that accept our imperfections. Hell, we aren’t those people to ourselves, to begin with. This can make it pretty easy to idolize romantic relationships. The idea that someone else will accept us in ways we don’t even accept ourselves. We often put so much pressure on our idea of love that we forget that friendships often and consistently outlast it. After all, it is only when we learn to similarly value our non-romantic relationships, that we can choose who we want to love based on factors other than filling the void that loneliness creates.
The next time you feel alone, try to sit in that feeling and figure out why. Are all your friends in relationships? Find someone single and rant. You don’t need to have close friends for all your social needs either. You can have that random friend that has the same meme taste or this other one that also really loves books. Another night owl to talk to when the others are asleep or that person you sit with in that one class where you don’t have any other friends (Thanks, FFCS. :)).
I can sense the introverts glaring at that paragraph. So, for all the people that dislike other people, humans aren’t the only cure to loneliness. There is a loneliness that comes from feeling alienated. If you’re surrounded by people that don’t share the same mindset, similar interests or compatible values, it can be hard to derive the comfort you need from their company. That’s where art and literature help. Podcasts, books, your favourite influencers, stories, poetry, fiction and non-fiction - I assure you, no matter what your preferred medium of consumption is, you will find platforms and forums that, regardless of content, resonate with how you think and where you are in life right now. Find them.
Life can sometimes feel like a party we didn’t get invited to. Especially, with everyone only broadcasting the socially acceptable and good parts of theirs. Don’t forget that the traveller misses out on family time and the super-productive person probably hasn’t watched Breaking Bad. Lonely is a word for feeling alone. It is an emotion, not a fact of life, and just like any other emotion, you can’t run from it. The only way out is through. So, put on some Lauv songs, throw a little pity party but remind yourself that despite feeling lonely, you are not alone.
Until next time,
Charizma.
You make some interesting points and shed light on a perspective that I had not seen before. I do indeed look forward to the future articles.
I think that teaching a person about solitude during the times when they feel lonely and dislike being alone will actually validate the emotions they are feeling and show them that it is in fact a necessity to feel said emotions.
Acceptance will be the first and hardest step to take. It is key in that unveiling the truths of solitude to a person will lead them to accept that being alone is not a negative thing to begin with and it was only labelled so in their minds. They will see that thei…
I do intend to make an article on solitude as well. It's a very important part of the art of living. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your views.
I focused on how people can feel connected to the world around them in this article since I believe everyone can dislike being alone sometimes. At that moment, teaching them about solitude does nothing but invalidate a very common emotion. Ideally, everyone would rather be comfortable enough with themselves to enjoy being alone. An implication that someone should not be feeling a negative emotion, however, can be harmful since the only solution then becomes for them to not express it.
The perception shift from loneliness to solitude…
So according to this article, the answer to filling the apparent void that is loneliness is to either find other people to talk to or drown yourself in media? I feel like those solutions are just prolonging the inevitable and are just ways to avoid the problem at its core. The real problem, in my opinion, is thinking of loneliness, or solitude, as a bane whereas what it really is is a boon.
Interpersonal relationships tend to mold a person into mere reflections of their peers. Media consumption faces the same problem, where, if one is particularly fond of a certain book or a series, they allow it to leave an imprint on their mind and influence their thinking to…