Do I trust myself?
That was the question that prompted this article. I was shocked to realise that the answer wasn’t a resounding yes. It was a ‘with what?’. There were things that I trusted myself with, but if I was honest, I didn't trust myself with a lot. From studying to eating healthy, a lot of things had been a lifelong struggle.
As I grew up, trust, among other things, had taken a steady battering. With every failure, it had faded from things that I had been confident about as a child, like being exciting or capable of love, or hell, to live a fulfilling life.
So, in my quest to gain it back, I started this article with a fact. Trust is difficult to earn and easy to break. I don’t have 10 steps to trust yourself readily available. What I do have is what makes me trust others and the hope that those same things can help me trust myself.
Reliability, this word is essential. We don’t trust that friend that always says, “We should meet this weekend,” but you both never actually hang out. We trust the ones that say it and follow through or don’t say it at all. It’s vital that we are reliable to ourselves and don’t say things we won’t do, even for the sake of politeness. I’m going to go back and study today. Don’t say it till you trust yourself to do it, 100%. Even if the most you can completely trust yourself with at the moment is going back and studying for 5 minutes. Tell yourself that. Start a timer for 5 minutes and study. If you’re still up for it, do another 5- but don’t lie to yourself. Trust is built slowly, with every 5 minutes that we do what we say we’re going to do.
Integrity is another significant element. When we pick courage over comfort, or what we know as being ‘right’ over what’s fun and comfortable, we learn to trust ourselves. We can’t trust who we are as people when our values don’t align with our actions. There is a change needed for trust here, either in values or in action. If your blueprint of a successful human knows what they’re doing in life, studies regularly, exercises every day, eats healthy, makes friends quickly, and never has meltdowns. Your successful human doesn’t exist. You will never trust yourself to live up to your ideals because no one can do everything you expect yourself to do.
That brings me to my last point, Non-Judgement, and Generosity, two very important facets of trust. We only trust people that we know won’t judge us and those generous with their presumptions about us. If we don’t show up to hang out, we trust the people that will call to ask what happened, not the ones that will reach to say; I can’t believe you disrespected my time. We are most often the victims of our own harshest judgments, with the worst presumptions. If others fail, it’s just a setback and a part of life. If we fail, we’re stupid even to try, and we didn’t work hard enough. Who would trust this friend with their problems? It’s no wonder, some of us can’t trust ourselves with ours.
Build that trust, be kind to yourself, hold yourself accountable and respect your limitations. You’re getting better every day. Trust yourself to be doing it at precisely the right pace.
Until next time,
Charizma
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