Growing up, ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘boys are meant to be strong and tough’ were all phrases that were all too common. What many failed to realize was the impact such statements made on children and how they carried these all the way into their adulthood. We live in a dreadful patriarchal society with laid out norms on how each ‘gender’ should behave and where masculinity and femininity are considered poles apart.
Of late, as people are becoming more aware, the term toxic masculinity has gained much traction. Toxic masculinity has created a culture that values gender norms and glorifies hyper-masculinity. This notion has created in many men a need to feel powerful by asserting dominance and aggression and embracing all things that are traditionally masculine. Their ‘manliness’ is measured by their physical strength, the sheer disregard of emotions, the celebration of their cisness and heterosexuality, their sexual aggression towards women, and of course, the denouncement of feminism. Toxic masculinity is so fixated on disassociating all things branded masculine and feminine, that it has even paved the way for homophobia.
The herculean influence of such a culture is not only harmful to those around, but it is also hurtful to men themselves. Many often fail to address their trauma and abuse simply due to the stigma around these issues. They are also afraid of coming forward with their mental health issues out of fear of being shamed. Many even live in fear of embracing their own sexuality as a result of being forced into a shoe they don’t fit into. It denies men a life where they can be vulnerable, empathetic, feminine, or whatever is against what is considered ‘appropriate’ for them.
Often, conversations about social constructs such as this are not met with the understanding that it requires, rather it is faced with misunderstanding and defensiveness. Even so, working through toxic masculinity is indispensable due to the extreme influence such a standard carries. Ultimately, tackling this issue calls for respect and empathy, not just for those around you, but for oneself too.
Consequently, the conversation around toxic masculinity is slowly taking a turn into one where we can challenge and unlearn what was instilled in us at such an early age. Although it is important to keep in mind that this task is not one for men alone, women too must acknowledge and do their part in order to topple this baleful culture.
It goes without saying that famous artists such as Harry Styles and Jaden Smith have now become faces of gender neutrality and defiance of toxic masculinity. What were once only mannerisms and clothing of feminine nature are now slowly becoming accepted and even adorned by cis men. Men are becoming more comfortable rocking a fresh manicure and eyeliner and even wearing outfits that are considered 'feminine'.
While we give laurels to the West for their part in challenging this culture, we must not forget about the men that try to do the same in the very country we are a part of. Influencers like Siddharth Batra, Shakti Singh Yadav, Shantanu Dhope, and Ankush Bahuguna are amongst a few that deserve recognition and praise for how open and comfortable they are in their own skin, and how they rip apart toxic masculinity every day.
In an age where we are trying to be empathetic and accepting every day, there is no room for toxic masculinity. Acknowledge your own traits and work towards unlearning these toxic traits. There is no need for hypermasculinity; in fact, take off that façade and embrace your vulnerability. Do not forget that the goal is to create a society where anyone can be, act or dress as they please without having to worry about fitting into an unnecessary toxic standard.
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