One of the most mesmerising dance videos I have ever seen starts off with a quote by Martha Graham: “A dancer dies twice – once when they stop dancing, and this first death is more painful.” This quote will probably haunt me forever, and whenever I think of it, I can’t help but think of a life where dance wouldn’t be a part of me anymore.
Dancers are no different than the pursuers of other fine arts when it comes to how much we rely on our craft as a part of our lives. It inspires us, motivates us, and pushes our limits in the best way possible. A dancer has, at some point, definitely gone to sleep with a performance or a choreography in their head. More often than not, our feet move with a mind of their own. Dancing gives us immeasurable joy and the idea of being able to create and express ourselves in a way that our body naturally lets us, is enough to make a dancer’s fingertips tingle.
I do not remember exactly when I began to dance, although I do remember being very young. I danced for the first time onstage at a Ganpati Pandal at age 4. I do not remember the song, nor do I recollect the choreography. The performance remains as a blur in my memory, but the feeling performing on that day gave me exists as clear as crystal, and I like thinking back to that time every now and then.
The mere thought of not dancing scares me, I’ll be honest. Maybe a version of me existing in some parallel universe doesn’t dance, or even hum or sway along to a song. The version of me in this universe, however, exists in a body that will fall into the rhythm of a song effortlessly, so much so that it takes a while for my brain to comprehend the presence of these movements.
Dancing has shaped me into who I am today. It has given me friends, opportunities and room to grow and learn. It has shown me ups and downs. It has made me hear both “You’re so good at this!” and “You can do so much better”. It has made me stronger and it has made me weep. It has taken my hours, my sweat, my emotions and my thoughts and given me my very being. It never fails to make me happy. Dance not being a part of my life would leave a void in me, and I cannot imagine filling that void up with anything else.
The thought of my passion for dance fading away one day likes to pop in and say hello occasionally, but I think I’ll be okay. Even if I ever have to stop dancing, I know that I shall carry it with me in the form of things I’ve learned, moments I’ve experienced and memories I’ve made. But these are thoughts for if I ever stop dancing. I’m not going to stop anytime soon, and even if I go down, I’m going down fighting.
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